This life is beautiful is so many ways. From the moment you meet the Love of your Life and the first time you look into your baby's eyes to the changing in seasons and watching a sunset. I feel like there are lessons in this life that are beautiful and wonderful and one of my favorite parts about life are the truths that I have learned and accepted as a guideline and help for living a better life and being a better person. If it were not for my mistakes, trials, tribulations and heartaches, I would not be who I am today. I would not be growing into a better human being and adding value to my existence. To me that is something beautiful that not many may see. You can struggle your whole life and resist the truth and spend your days playing tug of war and digging your heels in, or you can embrace life for what it is and take the opportunity to learn and grow. As I sit and reflect on all that I have learned in my short 28 years of life, these 10 truths come to mind. These are things that no matter how much I tried to change or control, I failed every time. Because they just are. These are things that I learned would never change and they were the same for all humans and they are truths to accept and live by. It has made life a whole lot easier since I stopped fighting life and just let it all be.
These are the 10 truths I have learned about life:
1.
Everything Changes. Life is always and eternally changing. Nothing stays the same for too long. It is how we evolve as a species. We change. We adapt. We learn to adjust to new experiences and new surroundings. Changes helps us grow. Now just because I know that everything always will and forever change, does not mean that it is something I like. I am a creature of habit and even though I wouldn't blink at the chance to hop on a plane and travel across the world and learn something new everyday, I still like waking up in a familiar place and making my own coffee every morning. I simply accept it. There is no point in fighting it. I will not be the same person in one year than I am today. I will not have the same life in five years as I do now. I know this to be true and I embrace the change for the good and sometimes not so good.
You've heard the quote "If life is bad, wait, it will change. If life is good, wait, it will change." Well it goes something like that. But you get the point. Life is always changing.
2.
Life Goes On. No matter what we do and what we go through or how bad we feel for ourselves. Life will continue. The world will not stop and we can't do anything about it, except come to realization that we will survive and move on and everything will continue as it always has. I have been through some very traumatizing, hard and emotional events as well as losses in my life and they have tore me down to my bare soul, brought me to my knees in tears and humbled me all at once. There were losses that I never thought I would recover from. I wondered how I would pick myself up off the ground and ever have the same kind of life again. I wondered how I would ever be happy again. You know what? Time passed and I got better. I healed. I moved on. Life never stopped for me. No matter how bad life seems, it will change, it will get better. Life Goes On and we keep living!
3.
Everything happens for a reason. I know not everyone believes this but for me it isn't a matter of believing that everything happens for a reason but it is the truth. I see it no other way. Just because I believe that everything happens for a reason doesn't mean that bad things don't still happen. Bad things happen that bring me to a good place and good things happen (at the time they seem like good things) that bring me to bad places. Regardless of what happens good or bad, I know it has brought me to where I am and where I am is where I am supposed to be. When my ex husband asked for a divorce and left, I thought I would never recover and it was obviously a bad situation. But as time went on I healed, moved on and realised that his decision to leave was a blessing in disguise. I kept the house, the kid and the car and I survived and grew independent and stronger than I ever knew I was and then met the love of my life. My sad loss ended up making me a better person and a better partner but brought me to a man that I deserved and that deserved me. I could make a list a mile long with events in my life that were rough and seemed hopeless and absolutely not what I wanted and then I realised I had to go through the bad to get to the good and everything happens for a reason. I can enjoy life and know that everything will work out the way that it is supposed to and for me at least, it always works out to be what I never knew I always wanted. It's funny how life works out! Don'tcha think?
Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.” -Eckhart Tolle
4.
The little things don't matter. In the grand scheme of things you can look back and reflect on your life and see what was really the most important things after all. It's never the cars, the houses, the boats and extensive wardrobes that matter in the end. It is always the people, the bonds and the experiences that impact our lives the most. In the end everything that was supposed to happen to you happened and the things that were not supposed to happen, didn't. Everything worked out the way it was supposed to and the world never came to end. So why do we spend our lives worrying about minuscule details and minute problems? Why do we worry about the little things and material things? Why do we spend our precious time that we will never get back slaving away at our jobs so we can buy a bunch of stuff that won't matter when all you want is to have more time with your family. If we can't control it (that's truth #7) then why do we spend time and energy, not to mention our health from the stress worrying about it. If you want to avoid a lot of unnecessary anxiety and stress in life then I suggest focusing on what is important and letting everything else take care of itself. Also if you don't want to have regrets when you look back on your life then don't focus on the things that won't really matter and focus more on the things or people that are really important to you now and in the future. In the end the little things won't matter.
5.
We only have today. Be present! We can't change yesterday, but we can learn from it. There is no promise of a tomorrow, it could never come. We only have today and that is the only day we have for sure. It is okay think about the past and learn from it but don't waste your time dwelling there for too long. You cannot change it. The only thing you can do is to use it as a learning tool for today and for the future. Take from it what you will and don't waste anymore time feeling bad or sorry about it. Make your peace and move on. If you spend too much time on yesterday, you will rob yourself of today, of the present moment. A moment that you will never get back. Do not worry about tomorrow because it may never come and you spent today worrying about something that isn't real instead of enjoying what is right in front of you. There is no guarantee that something, anything could happen today that would prevent the sun from rising tomorrow. That is not meant to be dark or negative, it is simply a fact. It is the truth. If we know that, then why do we dwell in the past and worry about tomorrow instead of enjoying what we have today? You can't go back and watch your baby take his first steps again (unless you recorded it) but that's not the point. You can't watch your daughter walk down the aisle or walk across the stage again. So instead of feeling bad about what we missed or could miss, we can live today like there is no tomorrow and enjoy what we have now. We can do today what is important, we can forget about yesterday and not worry about tomorrow because we only have today.
6.
You can only blame yourself for your choices, consequences and circumstances. It is so easy to blame everyone but ourselves when we go through rough times or suffer a negative consequence for one of our bad choices. It is easy to blame our parents. It is easy to blame society. But if you are truthful and honest with yourself and take responsibility for your own actions then you know that you have no one to blame but yourself for where you are today. There are of course always a few circumstances that may be considered out of your control but those tend to be extreme cases and that's a whole other topic. What I am talking about is situations when we make certain choices and don't like the consequences, so we blame our parents. We have free will as humans for the most part. Regardless of what happened to us as children or how messed up our parents may have been, we still have to choose the right choices and make the right decisions as adults. Just because mommy babied you all your life, folded your underwear and made your meals, doesn't give you the right to be a worthless, co-dependant, no job having, no bill paying adult and blame it on her. You have to take responsibility for your actions at some point and say "ya know what? I am not going to be a grown adult without a work ethic or any integrity and I am going to be a grown up and take responsibility for myself." My parents got a divorce before I was five and I don't blame anything in my life on that event. If anything I strive to learn from it and be a better partner so I don't end up in the same situation. Sometimes we do end up where we don't want to be. I ended up divorced anyway. I can look back now and see the responsibility I take for the ending of my marriage. I got married too young, too fast, to a man I didn't know well enough, even after I was aware of the so-called red flags. We got pregnant right away and took on a lot of stresses in our first year of marriage which took it's toll and I wasn't perfect and I was ignorant to a lot of stuff. I can't blame my parents being divorced on that. I can't blame it all on my ex husband. I take responsibility for my actions and I learned from them and I try to be a better person because of them. When you feel the need to point fingers and place the blame on another, try taking an honest look at your situation and how you got there. If you are truly honest, chances are you will find the bulk of the blame in your court.
7.
The only person you can control is you. A lot of problems we have as humans usually stems from not being in control. A lot of times when I get angry about something and take the time to figure out why, it is usually because I wasn't in control and couldn't control the situation I was in. I personally always like to be in control, so this is extra hard for me. Once I realised how often that was the root of my problems, it sure put things into perspective for me. I used to get upset with people at work for various little things that would do or not do and I would get so worked up that it almost ruined my day. The anger could affect me for hours. Who was I in control of. I obviously wasn't in control of them but I didn't even have control of myself. How could I let other people affect my mood so easily and deeply? Once the truth set it, it made dealing with others a lot easier and I got upset a lot less often. I came to terms with the fact that the only person I could control was myself. I had to control my anger and my reactions to others. I couldn't change how other people did things or control the people who barely did anything. I realised I had to focus more on my reaction and controlling myself and not focus on those that I cannot control. It is counterproductive if you don't. Learning this truth not only helped me deal with others better but It saved me from a lot of stress and anger. I see people get so upset over the littlest things now and I have to laugh to myself because that used to be me and I don't have to live like that anymore. I don't let people and things that are out of my control affect me anymore. I took the control back by not trying to control others. It was such a waste of time and so exhausting trying to control everything. Let the stress and control go and accept that the only person you can control is you.
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." -Maya Angelou
This quote applies to much of life and many of these truths.
8. Good ole Bill Shakespeare said it best when he said, "
expectation is the root of all heartache." I still to this day allow myself to get sucked into the ole let down trap. I expect a lot of others. I expect others to be as caring and giving as me. I expect that when my husband is helping me fold clothes that he will fold them the way I want or wash dishes the way I do. I continually set myself up for disappointment and I am greeted with it almost every time. I imagine this lavish party and plan for months and then when no one shows up or maybe a different crowd attends than I had expected, I feel like the party was a bust. It's not that the party was bad or not fun, it just wasn't what I had expected. But if i would have gone into the process with an open mind that whatever happens that night will be fun, then maybe I wouldn't get let down and I could enjoy the party. We allow ourselves to get let down every time when we expect things to go a certain way. Nothing is certain. People won't always do what I want them to do or how I want it done. I have to remember that no one is perfect, including myself. I could save myself a lot of heartache when I expect my husband to act or respond a certain way and then he doesn't if I could not expect anything. Or expect that he would wash the dishes that have been piled up in the sink all day just because I have done so much. I expect he feels how I feel and will take it upon himself to wash them and then when I get back from the store and see them sitting there, I get mad. How can I get mad when I never told him or asked him to do them. He can't read minds (I think) and he obviously doesn't think about things the same way that I do and that I think he should. But i can't get mad about that. I let myself down for not only not communicating what I expected but for expecting him to do what I would have done and feel how I would have felt. I only have myself to blame for my disappointment and at that point it is a good time to communicate with your partner or whomever, so that maybe you won't be let down or hurt in the future. I try to go into every situation with an open mind, expecting nothing and taking in everything. I try to hope for the best and prepare myself for anything. When we except things for what they are and allow things to happen naturally and not expect so much from everyone, we will suffer much less.
9.
You have to choose to be happy. Being happy is an attitude. A choice. There is a quote by Charles R. Swindoll that pretty much sums it up. A great quote.
“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company...a church....a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes.”
No matter what our circumstances may be, we have to choose to be happy if we want it. You can't blame others for your unhappiness or count on others to always make you happy. If you are unhappy then change your attitude about the situation or make the proper choices to change your situation. Being happy isn't always a matter of circumstance or how much money we make and how many toys we have. Being happy is a choice, and attitude, a way of life. If you are unhappy, ask yourself why and take the proper steps to change that. Choose to be happy. If you can't be happy with yourself, than how can you be happy with others?
10.
Love, non-judgement and acceptance will set you free. It is challenging to be happy in this world when we are consumed with hate and judgement towards others. When we express hate towards others it comes back on us, from the way we are judged in return to the stress of being angry all the time. When you go around judging people, you really have to look inward and ask yourself why am I so much better? What am I doing in my life that isn't prefect? I never like what I see and I immediately repent for judging others. I immediately feel like a hypocrite and feel bad about myself. I don't like feeling that way, so I've tried to stop judging other people and try to put myself in their shoes. It is almost as natural to judge people as it is to brush you teeth. I do it all the time and don't even realise i am doing it. I try to accept people for who they are and love them regardless of what I think I know. The truth is I never really know anything about the people I am judging and I am almost always humbled when I learn how wrong I was. I love when that happens, because I need it. I need to be humbled when I put myself on a pedestal and point fingers at everyone else. It is a consequence for judging. Instead I try to love others for who they are and in spite of their shortcomings and I always try to encounter people without judgement and with acceptance. It has changed my heart and allowed me to see life and people in a different light. My relationships are better when I simply accept and love. My life gets better every time I choose to love and not hate or judge. We are all the same. We are all sinners and always will be. Not a one of us is perfect and we all breathe the same air, have the same body parts. We are all created the same way. We all come into this world the same way and leave it the same way. Not a one of us has the right to judge another. Love and acceptance will set you free.
These are the 10 truths I have learned in life. They may not be the same for everyone but they are for me and I am sure most people can relate. Being honest with yourself and trying to be a better person with these truths will make life a lot easier. Living by these truths can make you a better partner, a better communicator and a happier person. At least it did for me.
~ Blessing
Tequila & Lime marinated Shrimp Tacos
Giant Lump Crab Cakes
