Love and Respect

We live in a world with a near 7 billion people. That is 7 billion opinions and personal views on life. Why are we still arguing about who is right and who is wrong. Why are we still trying to enforce our own opinions and views on other people as their own and if these beliefs are not accepted, then we immediately condemn and scold for betrayal. But don't anyone dare to enforce their opinions and beliefs on you. Right? It sound ridiculous doesn't it?

When are we going to evolve as a species and society? When will people stop wasting their time and the time of others with their arguing and complaining. We all need to work together to do what is best for the greater good as a planet and species. We Do Not need to be arguing about religious beliefs, political views, the way we parent and raise our children or whether or not the chicken or the egg came first.

No matter how you feel about what is right or wrong, there will always be someone to challenge your belief. There will always be someone to think that murder, abuse and molestation isn't wrong, regardless of how obviously wrong it is. There will always be someone to believe differently. It is madness trying to rationalize with some people and there will always be people like that. The point is that as a society we will never ever ever believe all ONE WAY. We just won't. So why do people waste their own time fighting, arguing and condemning others about how they believe. You are only wasting your own time. No one Else's. It is really for our own individual benefit that we learn to accept other people for who they are and accept that other people simply won't believe or do thing the way that you do.

We are fighting an endless battle when we argue about how we should believe and do things. It goes back to childhood and I am sure your mother told you this at least once, "treat people how you want to be treated." How we have not figured this out by adulthood is beyond me. If you don't want someone telling you what to do, how to believe and how to live your life, then why would you try to impose that on someone else. I know that I believe the way I feel in my heart and I would never want someone telling me that I couldn't believe the way that I want too. Therefore, I would never judge you for how you believe. By all means, if you want to worship a tree, then who am I to judge you? You do what you have to do to get through your journey. It has nothing to do with me. It doesn't affect me. That is your choice. So why do people feel like they have to control everyone?

Control. That is what it boils down too. To control people is the lowest form of abuse there is. The only thing that you should try to control is yourself. We all need to learn how to control our thoughts and stop trying to control everyone Else's. The older I get the more understanding and compassionate I have become towards others. The more I want peace. The more I work on myself and learn and grow, the less I care about the actions of others or trying to control others. It is completely crazy, unreasonable, irrational chaos to think that we can make everyone believe one way or think one way. When we can all come to terms with the FACT that we will never all believe the same way, the sooner we will come as close as we possibly can to Peace. That is what makes us all different and unique. Our ability to think for ourselves is what sets us apart from every other living thing on this planet.

In the big picture does it really matter that people don't believe like you? Do you really really care? Or are you just angry that you are not in control? The next time you get mad or angry and feel like judging and being nasty, ask yourself, "why am I even mad. Is it because I am not in control?" When you learn to watch what you think and take control of your mind instead of letting your mind control you, you will begin to really grow and see how ridiculous your behavior has been. I know because I have always struggled with judging and I was a control freak. I am learning to let go. When I see people get so angry over the most insignificant things, I have to laugh. That used to be me and now I can see how foolish I used to look and act. It is not worth it to fight and argue.

Next time you don't agree with someone try to put yourself in their shoes. Try to not judge. Accept it for what it is. Don't verbally abuse the mother that decides not to get her children vaccinated. It isn't any of your business or your problem. If you want to get your child vaccinated, then do it. Your child will be fine because you feel that vaccinations make you kid safer than the kids that aren't. So don't feel like you need to go the extra mile to condemn the other mothers who choose to raise their children the way they want. What if I told you vaccination were no longer an option and no one would be vaccinating their children. All the mothers who don't vaccinate will be jumping for joy and how will you feel? No one likes being on the other side of the equation but are quick to point fingers. Stop it. It is none of your business. It is not your place to judge. This applies to everything.

That is just one tiny example of the stuff we fight and argue about. Same sex marriages. It goes against what I personally believe but I would never judge you. To be honest I don't care. What you do is your business. What if everyone was with the same sex partner and it was illegal to marry the opposite sex? I would fight for my right to love who I wanted. Wouldn't you? Can we please just stop all of this fighting and arguing. It is madness.

We are a brilliant and strong species who can do anything we set our minds too. Look how far we have come in the past 200 years. We have evolved in leaps and bounds in just the past 30 years. We are above all this petty fighting. You live and believe the way you want and respect that every individual should have the same right. No matter what. We all have consequences for our actions and we all have to make our own choices and make this journey on our own. We are all doing the best we can. I watch people all the time, everywhere I go and sometimes people can be so mean and hateful. It usually comes from a place of hurt in their heart that they have been holding onto for so long and they take their pain out on others. But is isn't necessary. They need love more than anyone. Remember that everyone you meet is fighting their own battle and you have no idea what hurt they harbor inside of them. Show them love, kindness and compassion. Even if they don't accept, you will be out nothing. You will know that you did the right thing and when enough people show love to that individual they will begin to soften and learn that love is the answer. It works.


One day, we will figure it out. In the meantime can we all just stop wasting time and energy being mean and hateful. Just love. Be love. Extend love. Help others. Accept others. If each of us worked on ourselves and took control of our own minds and only offered love to one another, we would one by one make this world a little better. Just think about it. Make a conscious effort to only show love and not judge. You will quickly see how much better you feel about the world and yourself. Just imagine if we each took responsibility for ourselves and just did this one thing. I can see the difference in my life and I know the difference it would make in yours. I know it is easier said than done, but it starts with you and it starts with me.

Blessing to all

Boundaries: Don't bring me down

Do you ever have those days where it feels like you are being attacked from all angles or drained of your life's blood by other people and their problems? Yesterday was one of those days for me. Three phone calls later from various family and friends and I am feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness and frustration come over me. "Why am I feeling like this", I ask myself? "Where did this bitterness come from?" About this time I realize the culprit and what had caused me to have this unsettling feeling. My boundaries kick in and I immediately express my need to get off the phone.

Are you one of those people that everyone seems to want to spill their guts to? I am! I know why people like to confide in me and tell me their life's troubles. As much as I enjoy being the person that others can always talk to in a time of need, It can be very draining on one's psyche. This is where you have to put up boundaries in your life. This is when you have to say WHEN is enough. If you allow others to use you as a way to vent about all their problems, they will soon become your problems and they will expect answers and solutions to their problems. I feel like I am going though these events and dramas with these people and I will tell you, IT IS TOUGH! I feel like a way underpaid psychiatrist who now needs her own therapy.

Where do you go and what do you do when you are the dump site to everyone Else's problems and now you have had all you can take? It isn't fair to expect someone to take on all your problems when they already have their own. What is worse is when it isn't just one person but a group of people who unload on you. Now on top of whatever I may be dealing with in my life, I now have just been handed your problems too. What is one to do with all of these problems?

Some of you may know exactly what I am talking about while others have no idea. Chances are if you can't relate to what I am saying then you might be the one that does the unloading on others. Stop it! Stop putting your problems off on everyone else. There is a difference between venting a little here and there and then there is using someone as a punching bag to take out your frustration on when they have absolutely nothing to do with your problems. Just because someone is nice enough to listen to your problems and try to help you with them, does not give you the right to take advantage of their kindness.

I have to set strict boundaries in my life when it comes to the amount of my time I give people and how they use it. If I let every person in my life that vents to me let it out any time they wanted, I would be wreck and in therapy. Sometimes dealing with your own problems is enough, but to take on multiple other people's problems is too much. Sometimes I can't answer my phone and I won't call people back for days. I know that makes me come across as a bitch or reclusive and anti-social but that isn't the case at all. I have to have boundaries and I have to stick to them or people will take advantage of my kindness and willingness to listen and help as much as I can. Sometimes I have to straight up tell the person that I have to get off of the phone or be as direct as possible and say, "I just can't help you right now. My time is precious.

I don't usually turn people away. I usually sit on the phone for hours going back and forth with solutions and sympathy, but it gets old and I can't always be the one to take on everyone Else's problems. What makes it harder is when you have heard the same story, same problems a million times and you have given the same sound advice as you did the million times before and for some reason they never take it. It is okay to stop the therapy sessions at this point or to tell the person, "I will listen to what you have to say if you need to vent but I have nothing to say that I haven't said before."

It is okay to set boundaries in your life and let people know that you are not a therapist. (unless you are) but then they need to pay. I started telling people that I was going to start charging per half hour of my time. I mean this has gotten out of control when It gets to the point that I have three separate people all venting to me in one day. I felt completely drained by bedtime. These people felt it was okay to call and unload on me. It wasn't even just venting, but taking out their frustrations on me as if it was my fault. I knew they didn't mean it but it certainly took it's toll. I actually wanted to cry when I got off the phone. Now I know that none of these people knew what else I had gone through that day or that I had already played doctor a couple of times before them but that didn't change the effect it had on me. It didn't change the fact that I was exhausted by the end of the day and half the load of stress wasn't even my own.

I guess the reason I am writing this is to do a little venting of my own and to say to those that always seem to play the therapist that it is okay to say No and it is okay to have boundaries that protect your from being beaten up by other people's problems. And to those of you that always play the victim who needs to take out your problems on other people, you need to keep the feelings of others in mind. Remember that we all have our problems and if you want to talk about the same thing over and over and never take the advice that is given, then stop wasting other's time. Go see a professional and pay them to listen and give you advice that you will never take. Try asking about other people's day. Ask others how they are doing and try not to make every conversation about you and why your life is so horrible and how you are such a victim. Relationships have been ruined for less. I feel grateful most of the time that I am not going through what these other people go through but in a sense, I do go though it vicariously when you include me in your craziness and it really weighs me down.

Try to take responsibility for your situation and try, really try to take the advice of those with whom you seek council. Give people a break sometimes from your life of chaos and drama. Not everyone likes to live their life in drama. I do not like drama and I try to avoid it at all costs but sometimes people bring the drama to you and that is when you have to set boundaries in your life. Boundaries are healthy and for those that do not respect them, do not deserve your time anyway.

Thank you for letting me vent and I hope I didn't bring any of you down.